Three months beforehand Scotty and I were in Sydney planning separate trips to the Northern Territory. It seemed very likely that we would be in the same place at the same time, so it made sense to combine forces at some stage. He was on a mission to cut didjeridoos in Arnhem land, I was in transit on my way to Western Australia. We decided to meet in Darwin for a short two-week vacation in Kakadu National Park.

Scotty is a notorious 'freak magnet'. His passion for psychedelics, striking features and vibrant array of flourescent tattoos attract them like flies to a bug-zapper. His two new companions were no exception. 'Dr. Nick' was an 18-year-old acid salesman from Sydney, Sophie was a dreadlocked backpacker from England who had arrived from India two days before meeting Scotty and joining his adventure.   We spent that evening catching up in Darwin then set off for Kakadu the next day.

The first week was a fantastically debaucherous affair, taking in all the major attractions of the park. We climbed cliffs, swam in waterholes, walked the escarpments and spent most nights in roadhouses drinking to excess. Spirits were high, a great time was had by all.

On the first day of the second week, Scotty refuelled the tanks and took up a collection for gas money. They were big tanks, it was an $100 fuel bill. In the process of pooling our resources we discovered that Scotty, Nick and I were all down to our last fifty bucks and apparently Sophie had joined the expedition without a cent. To make matters worse it was also revealed that all three boys were on the dole and our payments had coincided, so none of us would have any money for another week. There was $50 left after the petrol. We were roughly 330 kms from Darwin.

At the time our prospects weren't so grim, we still had plenty of food, water and fuel, and could easily last another nine days in the bush.

We staked out our territory at various waterholes and amused ourselves for several days, although it was too hot to do much other than lie half-submerged in water like crocodiles. Eventually our food supplies dwindled and it became clear we would soon be out of provisions. We were roughly 80kms inland from Katherine so we made for town and the supermarket. Being true pariahs there was also talk of getting a payment advance from the dole office.

The four of us clung to the trolley as it weaved through the aisles of the supermarket, the air conditioning was deliciously cool, we were in no hurry to leave. Deciding how to spend our last fifty dollars was another matter altogether. After much deliberation we filled the trolley with goodies and grazed at our leisure, leaving a wake of empty packets behind us. There were only five aisles in the shop but we doing laps for almost an hour.

After raiding the supermarket Scotty paid a visit to our good friends at centrelink. I sought refuge in the air-conditioned Shopping centre while Sophie and Nick wandered around town.

Scotty returned from the dole office empty handed, however Nick had been up to his old tricks and moved forty-five bucks worth of acid.   Unfortunately he had already spent the money on a sharpening-steel for his knives, a bottle of vodka and a box of red wine. The vodka and wine I could understand, it was the twenty-dollar sharpening steel that made me nervous. The only thing worse than being stranded with a hungry acid freak, is being stranded with a hungry acid freak wielding several razor sharp hunting knives.   It was disconcerting at the best of times.

That afternoon we drove to a nearby waterhole, Nick and I spent the rest of the day in the water consuming the bottle of vodka and the box of red wine.   At some point we explored the edges of the waterhole and found a Morning Glory vine in-seed. We both knew the seeds were hallucinogenic but did not know how to prepare them. I remembered reading something about 'leaching out the poison with water', but that information was very hazy. Nick and I ate a handful of raw seeds each, then after an hour of waiting with no results we decided it might be a good idea to speed up the process with some acid.

The rest of the evening was a horrible blur, punctuated only by certain events. I was rendered motionless by the morning glory, any attempts at raising myself off the ground were foiled by the sickening claws of gravity. Nick was also lying prostrated on the ground several metres away, I could hear him groaning in agony from time to time.

Scott and Sophie could see Nick and I were having a fantastic evening and decided to join in on the party. They smoked a powerful hallucinogen called DMT. While under the influence of the smoke Sophie thought it perfectly reasonable to fire-dance naked in the BBQ area. I remembered catching glimpses of whirling fire and nudity but I was more pre-occupied with watching the stars ripple across the sky.

In the morning it became apparent that she may have underestimated the size of her audience. At first light I heard Nick being accosted by the owners of a nearby campground. He was in no state to talk and feebly called out to Scotty for help. Apparently we were breaking numerous laws, there were heavy fines for camping illegally and lighting fires. The rangers would be called if we did not leave immediately.   A curious crowd of onlookers watched as the livid owners chased us out of the park.

This event somehow marked the downfall of our journey, things went southward very quickly from here. The 'toing a froing' from waterholes had used up half a tank of petrol, it would be a close call if we made it back to Darwin on the other half. The pre-monsoonal heat was taking its toll on everyone, the merciless attacks of the mosquitoes had become unbearable. None of us had slept more than five hours a night in the last seven days.

That evening I used most of our remaining ingredients to make a large curry. As I was lifting the pot out of the fire the handle snapped, spilling its contents into the ash and sand. We crouched around the debris salvaging a meal with forks and spoons. We were now completely out of food apart from various spices, a few potatoes, a lemon and an onion.

The next day we used up more petrol driving back into Katherine. Nick unsuccessfully tried to sell more acid, while Scotty and I harassed centrelink. We would all have money in two days time, it was so close yet so far away.

By late afternoon it was time to start looking for a place to stay. A potential customer gave Nick directions to a disused WW11 airfield, fifteen kms out of town. Apparently a young group of adrenaline junkies had bought their own plane and commandeered the airstrip for skydiving purposes. Occasionally they let travellers camp on the field.

It had been a full day since our last meal of crunchy 'Sand Curry' so all four of us were thoroughly irritable, completely exhausted and hungry to the point of hallucination. Nick and I were slumped in the back of the truck, Sophie was in the front and Scotty was driving in his usual erratic way of swerving from lane to lane.

Suddenly the brakes screeched as the truck slid to a halt. I looked through the windscreen to see Scotty standing over a large roo in the headlights. "It's still warm" he called out triumphantly. Blood was running from its nose, it must have been hit in the last ten minutes. He dragged the roo back to the truck and threw it on the bonnet.

We found the obscure dirt road leading to the airfield, marked by a tiny cardboard sign hung in a tree. A dilapidated aircraft hanger met us at the end of the track, its walls were partially disintegrated and the hollowed ribs of the building were illuminated by candlelight. The whole scene was straight out of a horror movie.

A candle lit figure approached from the hanger. It was a man in his mid twenties, adorned with face-metal and sporting a mohawk.   We asked permission to camp on the strip and were given directions to a good spot, away from planes and skydivers.

In the headlights I could see the tarmac was covered with cracks and potholes, and slowly being consumed by the encroaching bush. I couldn't help thinking that Northern Territory daredevils must be among the craziest in the world.

We made camp at the end of the strip, built a fire and butchered the kangaroo. Using the last of our ingredients I stumbled upon a delicious meal that is both quick and easy to prepare......

Sweet and Sour Roadkill

Ingredients:  

• 600 grams of fresh roadkill, sliced into strips or cubed
• 1 large onion, sliced into thin strips
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 clove sized lump of ginger, cut into juliennes
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil
• 4 tablespoons of soy sauce
• 2 tablespoons of lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon of honey
• 2 tablespoons of water

Directions :  

Spoon oil into a thin pan and heat until smoking. Add your choice of animal and stir quickly until meat is lightly browned (gamier meats like possum or wombat should be left medium rare). Add ginger , garlic and onion, soutee until translucent.   Combine soy sauce, lemon juice, honey and water, add to the pan.

Simmer for five minutes. Garnish with fresh coriander and sesame seeds if available. Serves four very loose units.

For desert I recommend taking a tab of acid and climbing over an electric fence at the local mango farm to gorge yourself silly on their sweet nectar.   Bon appetite!